Friday, June 15, 2012

A Little Less Heart

I made Silver Medallion by February*, and I would like the first three months of this year back.  I jumped through a wormhole and landed in June. To say I was busy is an understatement, and overwhelmed not quite powerful enough.

Trying to be perfect at everything. Which is impossible, in case you were wondering. It only took me 35 years to figure that one out. And I consider myself intelligent.

I wanted to quit my job. And while most people fantasize about this daily, I can truthfully tell you it never seriously crossed my mind in 14 years.Until March. I spent many sleepless nights pondering how I may actually do that (and of course my dramatic exit). Then this thing called reality stopped by to let me know that was not a good idea. A wine/grilled cheese/book/ice cream shop wasn't going to materialize overnight, and really, do I want to work weekends? And of course I recalled the numerous horror stories where the proverbial grass wasn't so green after all (just fertilized with bullshit). So I sucked it up and stuck it out.

Randomly, one day a friend/colleague/mentor/pain in my ass told me to take my heart out of it a little, after observing my soul-sucking posts on Facebook (also cheaper than therapy). People like me will always give more than necessary, and take it all personally. It's true, and it was killing me.

So I did...just a little. And mainly in regard to things that really don't matter (i.e. those I cannot control). Enough to maintain my sanity, and quite honestly the hardest thing I've ever done. But I learn quickly, and I practice often.

As a result, I'm saving my marriage, my friendships, and myself.  I learned that my 100% is perfectly acceptable and more like most people's 70%. I don't carry any guilt about leaving at 5:30 when I'm done with my work, as for every day I leave on time there are at least 10 where I've worked (or will) well past my 8 hours. Make no mistake, I am committed to my life's occupation and it has me by the hair (neck, arm and leg) while I'm there...

But it can no longer join me for dinner.

*Achieving Delta's Silver Medallion by February is just ridiculous, without opening a credit card. This milestone is typically not reached until June. I'm an overachiever.

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